Sometimes I just don’t get it …

There are seasons in life that I just don’t get.  I don’t understand or know the reason we have to go through them.  What is God doing in our lives that we have to go through this pain? Trials are hard.  Sometime too hard.  Why do we have to hurt?  And what’s worse for me, why do we have to watch our loved ones hurt?  I think seeing another’s pain can be worse because we can’t fix it.  I want to fix hurt people.  I want to have it all together that I appear ‘fixed’.  I don’t like appearing broken to other people.  I don’t like when people see me in that place.  
This past weekend the entire Bass Pro Shop saw me and my kids ‘broken’.  My 17-year old son who has special needs, both physical and intellectual, is going through a season that I don’t get.  He is expressing himself through behaviors that are loud, painful (to him & anyone in close proximity), and publicly unacceptable.  He won’t stop just because someone tells him it’s inappropriate.  So while we made our way out of the depths of the store with him hitting, pinching, pulling hair (lots of hair) and screaming everyone in our path saw how broken we were.  Almost everyone gave me looks of shock & disgust.  They wanted nothing to do with us.  One man gave me what I needed – an open door & the quiet comment of, “I understand”.  
Isn’t this what Christ gives us? An open door to him, quietly waiting for us to come to him.  That’s all he wants is for us to go to him first.  But sometimes I have to go through all the crappy trials to realize Christ just wants me near him.  God has allowed me to get to a place where the only thing left to do is go to him.  
I learned long ago that God is using disability to bring us and others closer to him.  The Bible’s John 9 says he used disability to display the works of God. So I guess if going through the tough stuff is going to get me closer to seeing God’s works, I’m in.  I may not ever understand the season of trials or see what God is doing but who am I to get in the way of the Creator of … everything.  And man, I want to be close to that …

The Bible verse I’m loving today…
John 9:1-3

2 thoughts on “Sometimes I just don’t get it …

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