God Never Promised Easy …

I’m saying’ it.  Special needs isn’t easy.  In fact, it’s pretty hard all most all of the time.  There are things that become a new normal or fairly routine, but it’s still not easy breezy.  But we all know that God never promised any of us an easy road.  In fact, I’m pretty sure he said his way would be a little more difficult. (John 16:33)

This week has been another particularly difficult week.  More difficult than the normal difficult anyway.  It’s been the kind of week that has laid my struggles out on Main Street, U.S.A. for all to see (literally).  My son with special needs is still in a stage of life that has behaviors that aren’t explainable in his body of a young man.  This is dangerous for him and anyone around him.  This keeps me awake at night writing blogs in my head and praying prayers of desperation.  

A couple of things I’ve been reading reminded me that maybe God is using my boy and actually drawing attention to him for a greater purpose.  I’ve said before I really respect a writer, Greg Lucas, for the things he writes about his son’s disabilities.  He has a way of pointing me towards Christ every time.  Another recent article written by Sheri Dacon mentioned special needs is kind of like being naked in public.  She says everyone notices in one way or another: some people are mortified by the nudity (special needs) and run away, some pretend not to notice but actually peek from around the corner,  (This would be the acquaintance that walked by, then got in her car two cars down and continued to watch our SUV rockin’ peep show – MmHmm, I saw you.  Next time offer help or move on.)  some people will just out right stare at the nudity without apology.  A friend once said being a pastor’s family is similar too.  She said it’s like living in a fish bowl where everyone can watch your life on display.  But dang, it gets tiring.  I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out.  But how is that glorifying God?  He’s drawing attention to our weaknesses for a reason.  I’m guessing it’s for His glory, not for my harm. (Jeremiah 29:11)

So in between blog writing in my head in the middle of the night I am praying those prayers of desperation.  I have been thinking about Christ praying desperately.  Luke 22:44 says he prayed so hard his sweat was like blood.  Now I’ve prayed so hard I’ve cried. I’ve cried ugly, heaving, snot, prayed.  I’ve prayed so hard all I could say was, “Jesus”.  I’ve prayed so hard I didn’t even know what to say but hoped the Holy Spirit was speaking the words for me.  But I know I have never prayed so hard that my sweat was like blood.  

So while I wait on God’s plan to unfold for my son’s and my family’s life, I will continue to pray through our difficult days. 

Bible verse I’m loving today:
Luke 22:43 “An angel from Heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.”

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