My Obsessive-Compulsive … Deliverer

IMG_6718We tend to think of OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, as a bad thing. But I’m choosing to remember that I have an Obsessive-Compulsive Deliverer to see me through it.

Yes, in its extreme form, it is not easy. It can affect so many different areas of life and people in different ways. Many people think they have OCD. There are so many jokes about it. I get it. I know there are varying degrees of the disorder. Some, who shall go unnamed, feel obsessive about all the closet doors in the house being closed. But, those other people, could walk out the door without all the closet doors being closed and not have a meltdown in the driveway if one remained open. And if that person, not me, made it out of the driveway, there would be no constant thoughts about it all day long. Fine, it’s me! But my point is, I could go on with my day and the open closet doors wouldn’t consume my entire day. I may close them when I return home, but other things during the day would be accomplished. With the OCD that my son experiences, it can completely consume our day.

It’s the time of year that we reflect on the things for which we are thankful. Oddly enough, I am finding myself thankful for my son’s obsessions. When we are in the middle of a OCD meltdown or cycle he can’t find his way out of, you may not hear me say I’m thankful. Quite possibly, you will hear the opposite of thankful. When he wants to watch Finding Nemo on the DVR but he deleted it, yet refuses to watch it on DVD. But still begs and cries over and over, all day for Nemo. You may not hear me being quite so thankful.  You know the saying, “Hindsight is 20/20.” When I look back on these moments, these are the times I have been in constant prayer. I have been closest to God during our times of OCD trial. For that, I am thankful.

I’ve said it before, God uses my times of trouble to keep me close to him. When I’m on Easy Street I tend to stray from him. I would love, love, love to be one of those people God uses through a flashy talent or extreme wealth. Buuuut, not so much. In fact, he uses few of us this way, right? I can only think of a couple of families I know personally that God uses in a mighty way with money. And honestly, they aren’t without their trials either. They are just different trials than mine. So God is using me best where he has placed me now … On Not Always Easy Street.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23

I’m learning the purpose behind many of our trials is often to make us better, closer to holy. (Geez, I must have had a long way to go, huh?) Anyhoo, trials, I just read in a Desiring God article by Christina Fox that our children’s tantrums can be for our transformation. I can’t be sure, but it seems her viewpoint was regarding the typical child. However, this isn’t any different for me. I find myself transformed after every OCD meltdown. Each time I learn a little more; how to handle it better, how to remain calmer, how to keep my son safer, or how to avoid it completely. I am starting to see glimpses of the Fruits of the Spirit in a really tough time.

I’ve just stared a book by Jefferson Bethke, It’s Not What You Think. He reminded me my tiny story isn’t to point people towards me or to Evan but to CHRIST. This is God’s story. I am just a small bit part. And when I live my life pointing to myself I end up looking ridiculous. But when my life points to God on his throne it will flow perfectly. (page 20, It’s Not What You Think)

So, OCD. This Thanksgiving I will choose to be a little more thankful for it. I know if God is allowing it I have an Obsessive-Compulsive Deliverer that will see me though it, bring us closer to Christ with it and point to HIS story through it.

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